new painting

If I were always as productive as I have been the past week or so, I would probably have some sort of career by now. I painted the above animal porn, revised two essays, and finished two of the books from my list of shame, Bleak House and The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

And for anyone who came across this post by Googling "animal porn" and got nothing but a stupid update on my reading list, I sincerely apologize.

Help Kids Kill Zombies

This is a project a guy I used to work with at the UGA Library is doing to teach kids video game design. Donations go to scholarships for kids who couldn't afford to go otherwise.

Here's Another Thing I Did

I copied this from the Book of Kells. I think the text is from Mark, although I'm not sure, since I've already forgotten around eighty percent of everything I learned this year. My calligraphy is crap. But hey--pretty birds!

You Dazzle Me Dot Dot Dot

I haven't posted in a while, because school stole my life. The semester ended last Friday, though, and, after a few months of writing essays and staring at medieval manuscripts and trying to tell Jane Austen's novels apart, I decided I needed something that wouldn't require too much thinking--no thinking at all, in fact. Something that would make my brain feel like it was rolling around in a nice, cool patch of mud, like a pig does. So I read Twilight.

I did enjoy how easy it was to read. And I was interested in the Mormon subtext. But those were the lamest vampires in the history of literature. And Meyers sure loves ellipses . . . it was like . . . she couldn't . . . think of any way to show the characters' internal struggles, so she just leaves space for the readers to fill in whatever they want . . .

Then of course there's her use of the word "literally." At one point, the protagonist says, "This school was literally my hell." Literally. So she's literally dead and this is the literal afterlife, and it is the literal Judeo-Christian Hell, and Satan is there in the flesh, and he's her gym teacher? (Only Meyers would say "Gym," because gym is a proper noun in her world. And, apparently, in her editor's world.)

Ok, I shouldn't complain. I knew it would be silly before I read it, and that is in fact why I read it. I mention it only because, as I was ranting about the widespread misuse of the word "literally," Chris came up with a brilliant idea to combat it, and I intend to put it into practice: From now on, whenever I use a figure of speech, I'm going to add the word "figuratively."

Ex. I was so shocked that I figuratively crapped my pants.

It'll be a passive-aggressive reminder to the world that you can't put a "literally" there. Unless you actually did crap your pants. I also think it would be fun to start incorporating ellipses into my everyday speech; instead of saying "um" or "you know" when I'm trying to think of what to say next, I'll say something like, "I guess dot dot dot I'd prefer to go to El Jalisco dot dot dot unless you want to go somewhere else." Especially around my students, who love to put ellipses in their dialogue. It'll drive them figuratively insane.

Victorian self-improvement...how Dickens.

Since my book shame post, I've been trying to overcome my subliterate status, and I've recently acquired some useful material possessions toward that purpose. The Boy got me this bathtub caddy for Valentine's day:

It's great--no more dropping my books in the tub (well, not as often). I also bought a Kindle--best misuse of student loans ever. The only downside is that it can't go in the tub. I downloaded most of the titles from my list of shame...and then ended up reading Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. I am, however, now a third of the way through Bleak House, a mere thirteen years after it was assigned in AP English. I hope to be finished by my 25th high school reunion.

Too tired to move on...

I finally removed myself from moveon.org's mailing list. I've always felt too guilty to do it, as if by no longer getting their emails I will singlehandedly destroy all hope for civil rights, education, and democracy in general. As if the second I click on "unsubscribe," every baby seal in the ocean will instantly club itself. I appreciate what they do, but I don't need them sending me emails every three seconds about various issues I'm already aware of. Because I. Read. The Damn. News.

They wanted to know my reason for unsubscribing. I put, "have become republican k thx bye."

Book Shame Meme

So the BBC probably never said that thing about people only reading six books or whatever. But since confession is supposed to be good for the soul, here's a list of my own:

Twenty-Five Books I Am Ashamed of Not Having Read:

1. Bleak House--Uncle Mark was my AP English teacher, and he assigned it to us, but seventeen-year-old Katie was all like, "It's eight hundred pages long! And he keeps talking about the stupid fog!" Mark still lectures me about it every time I see him.

2. 1984--I like Orwell. I like dystopian literature. I don't know why I haven't read it yet.

3. Brave New World--Not only have I not read it, I'm constantly confusing it with 1984.

4. The Unbearable Lightness of Being--Laura gave it to me for Christmas ten years ago, and I love the movie. But have I read it? No. And yet I've read Valley of the Dolls three times.

5. Howard's End--Couldn't even tell you what it's about.

6. Swann's Way--I always try to read it in French, telling myself that I since I have a freaking French degree, it would be wrong to read a translation. So thanks to my own pretentiousness, I never make it past page six.

7. Anna Karenina--Is this the one where she throws herself in front of a train?

8. Madame Bovary--Or is it this one?

9. Moby Dick--I haven't read it. But I have seen the cartoon.


10. Ulysses--I know, I know.

11. Finnegan's Wake--Sigh. I know.

12. As I Lay Dying--I've taken three southern literature classes, each with a heavy emphasis on Faulkner. Somehow I never got around to this one.

13. Waiting for Godot--As I understand it, he never shows up.

14. The Satanic Verses--I started reading it on a plane, not knowing that it begins with a hijacking. I'm a nervous enough flyer without any help from Mr. Rushdie.

15. Troilus and Cressida--It was assigned in two of my Shakespeare classes, and I slacked off both times.

16. We Were the Mulvaneys--I love Oates, and I also love titles that are complete sentences, like A Good Man Is Hard to Find, or Don't Bend over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes. I don't know why I haven't read it.

17. Invisible Man--But I do know that it's different from The Invisible Man.

18. Women in Love--In fact, "The Rocking Horse Winner" is the only D. H. Lawrence I've ever read.

19. Tess of the D'Urbervilles--Once Uncle Mark asked me what Hardy I've read, and I lied and said I'd read Tess, but really I've only seen part of the miniseries.

20. Oliver Twist--I really think I'd get into this one, too--the main character's a kittycat, right?

21. Crime and Punishment--I spent four years as a Russian major, pretending to get everyone's Dostoevsky jokes, of which there were many, because Russian majors are big dorks.

22. Daisy Miller--I also always laugh at that one Gilmore Girls episode with all the Daisy Miller jokes, but I have no idea what they mean.

23. Of Human Bondage--I bought a copy, because I thought it sounded kinky, but I think I was misled.

24. The Call of the Wild--On second thought, I'm not ashamed of this one; I hate nature crap.

25. The Red Badge of Courage--That one's really short, too; I probably could have read a good chunk of it in the time it took me to compile this list.

***Bonus shame!!*** Additionally, although I have probably read every word Dave Barry ever wrote, I have never read anything by Willa Cather. I have never read anything by Norman Mailer (Mailor?) or James Dickey. I haven't read any of Updike's Rabbit novels, although I do know that they are not about literal rabbits (oh, yeah--haven't read Watership Down either). I have never read any books by Saul Bellow. In fact, I can't think of a single title of a Saul Bellow book. I'm not really sure how I know his name. I guess I have a lot of reading ahead of me.