Book Shame Meme

So the BBC probably never said that thing about people only reading six books or whatever. But since confession is supposed to be good for the soul, here's a list of my own:

Twenty-Five Books I Am Ashamed of Not Having Read:

1. Bleak House--Uncle Mark was my AP English teacher, and he assigned it to us, but seventeen-year-old Katie was all like, "It's eight hundred pages long! And he keeps talking about the stupid fog!" Mark still lectures me about it every time I see him.

2. 1984--I like Orwell. I like dystopian literature. I don't know why I haven't read it yet.

3. Brave New World--Not only have I not read it, I'm constantly confusing it with 1984.

4. The Unbearable Lightness of Being--Laura gave it to me for Christmas ten years ago, and I love the movie. But have I read it? No. And yet I've read Valley of the Dolls three times.

5. Howard's End--Couldn't even tell you what it's about.

6. Swann's Way--I always try to read it in French, telling myself that I since I have a freaking French degree, it would be wrong to read a translation. So thanks to my own pretentiousness, I never make it past page six.

7. Anna Karenina--Is this the one where she throws herself in front of a train?

8. Madame Bovary--Or is it this one?

9. Moby Dick--I haven't read it. But I have seen the cartoon.


10. Ulysses--I know, I know.

11. Finnegan's Wake--Sigh. I know.

12. As I Lay Dying--I've taken three southern literature classes, each with a heavy emphasis on Faulkner. Somehow I never got around to this one.

13. Waiting for Godot--As I understand it, he never shows up.

14. The Satanic Verses--I started reading it on a plane, not knowing that it begins with a hijacking. I'm a nervous enough flyer without any help from Mr. Rushdie.

15. Troilus and Cressida--It was assigned in two of my Shakespeare classes, and I slacked off both times.

16. We Were the Mulvaneys--I love Oates, and I also love titles that are complete sentences, like A Good Man Is Hard to Find, or Don't Bend over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes. I don't know why I haven't read it.

17. Invisible Man--But I do know that it's different from The Invisible Man.

18. Women in Love--In fact, "The Rocking Horse Winner" is the only D. H. Lawrence I've ever read.

19. Tess of the D'Urbervilles--Once Uncle Mark asked me what Hardy I've read, and I lied and said I'd read Tess, but really I've only seen part of the miniseries.

20. Oliver Twist--I really think I'd get into this one, too--the main character's a kittycat, right?

21. Crime and Punishment--I spent four years as a Russian major, pretending to get everyone's Dostoevsky jokes, of which there were many, because Russian majors are big dorks.

22. Daisy Miller--I also always laugh at that one Gilmore Girls episode with all the Daisy Miller jokes, but I have no idea what they mean.

23. Of Human Bondage--I bought a copy, because I thought it sounded kinky, but I think I was misled.

24. The Call of the Wild--On second thought, I'm not ashamed of this one; I hate nature crap.

25. The Red Badge of Courage--That one's really short, too; I probably could have read a good chunk of it in the time it took me to compile this list.

***Bonus shame!!*** Additionally, although I have probably read every word Dave Barry ever wrote, I have never read anything by Willa Cather. I have never read anything by Norman Mailer (Mailor?) or James Dickey. I haven't read any of Updike's Rabbit novels, although I do know that they are not about literal rabbits (oh, yeah--haven't read Watership Down either). I have never read any books by Saul Bellow. In fact, I can't think of a single title of a Saul Bellow book. I'm not really sure how I know his name. I guess I have a lot of reading ahead of me.